


you're my pick, hyung

by kimyohan



Category: MYTEEN (Band), Produce 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentioned Produce X 101 members, Pining, but oblivious about one in particular, just yohan being head over heels for his hyungs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-06-02 07:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19436434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimyohan/pseuds/kimyohan
Summary: yohan gets distracted every ten minutes in practices because his hyungs are just too much for him to handle and he's not sure if he can endure this torture for much longer without being obvious.(or three times he gets caught, one time it works out).





	1. seungwoo hyung

**Author's Note:**

> hi, guys! i'm juli.
> 
> this is the first fanfic i've written in four years (and it's the first time writing in english too). so i'm still learning and relearning how to do this without being a total messy.
> 
> i want to thank [luna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunsang) for helping me with great ideas and for making this writing journey so fun. i also want to thank [livia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonho) for helping me with grammar; you're an amazing writer that inspires me a lot. without both of you, this story wouldn't be able to come out to the world.
> 
> last but not least, i want to thank my friends for keeping up with me even when i was being so noisy about this the last days. you know who you are, right?
> 
> that's all for now. i hope u have fun!

yohan's seating at the corner with his beloved dongsaeng, junho, by his side. they're sharing an earphone playing boy with luv.

yohan feels like he's in some kind of cheap cliché.

it’s not like yohan's in love or something like this; it's just that he can't help but notice how his face flushes at the sight of seungwoo.

he got his hair stuck to his forehead because of the sweat, as well as his t-shirt in his chest. seungwoo's black shorts makes his thighs visible for everyone’s eyes, including yohan’s, who was _innocently_ resting from practicing.

but the thing is: seungwoo is far from Just handsome. his aura is something from another world. 

right now, he’s jamming to some music (that yohan doesn't know which one is it, because, like said previously, he's listening to his actual soundtr-) and yohan swears he might drool, right here and right now.

but no. he's not in love. yohan doesn't even know what love means. he's sure it's not love. maybe admiration.

yohan's sure that's just admiration; yes, seungwoo is talented at everything and is also a perfect leader. everyone loves him. i mean, in the "i admire you" way of love. at least for yohan it feels like this.

behind seungwoo stands his right hand man, byungchan: a black haired guy with a sharped noise and cute dimples; such a beautiful face. 

then there’s dongpyo. and as seungwoo feels that yohan is sending lasers with his eyes at the younger's direction, he put his arm around dongpyo’s waist. 

and there's nothing wrong with that. they’re like dad and son but, _ugh, why people have to be so touchy?_ yohan thinks.

a loud noise from the door brought yohan back from his murmurs. seungyoun enters the practice room with a loud "what's up, guys", greets everyone with a high five, then comes at yohan and junho's direction, smiling widely before crouching in front of them. 

“hey!”, seungyoun says.

“hi, hyung”, junho and yohan say at the same time. they look at each other and giggle.

“how’s practice?”, seungyoun asks, but doesn’t really give them time to answer, rumbling the next words. “ok, i actually don’t want to know this... some trainees and i were thinking about buying snacks to eat. i’ve wondered if you’d like to come, yohan-ah”.

“me? why me? why not junho?”, yohan asks, pointing to himself and junho while laughing at his dongsaeng’s expression.

“because junho is a baby who can’t go outside this late at night”, seungyoun says with a high pitched tone.

“i’m not a baby, hyung, and i wouldn’t want to go even if you asked”, junho says so low that yohan isn’t sure if seungyoun listens.

“i guess i won’t, hyung. i have to practice some dance moves that i’m still pretty unstable at and seungwoo hyung said he could help me after his vocal practice... that ends in about 15 minutes. so no... sorry”, yohan says.

“oh, but i can help you with the moves too, you know”, seungyoun says, smiling widely.

“no, hyung, no need bothering about that”, yohan says, waving his hand dismissively.

it's not like yohan doesn’t trust seungyoun to teach him the moves; far from that, yohan knows seungyoun is as skilled as seungwoo. he can’t miss the opportunity, though.

"okay, then", seungyoun says, shrugging. he's not smiling anymore. 

yohan doesn't know if he has ever seen seungyoun's face without a smile, and that frightens him from head to toe. _uh, awkward_. 

he doesn't understand why seungyoun looks so disappointed, though. if yohan had to guess, he'd say it might just be the boys willing to recruit as many people as possible so it’d be cheaper for each of them.

"do you guys want something from the convenience store?", seungyoun asks.

"i'm on a diet, hyung, trying to lose my _baby_ fat" junho says. yohan giggles and mentally notes this moment just to bother junho about it later.

"for me… hum… i want ramen! not spicy!", yohan says.

"okay, noted", seungyoun says, smiling briefly as he stands up, "i'll be back soon" and then goes directly to the door. _strangely_ quiet.

 _what are these guys up to_ , yohan wonders.

he just wants his ramen to drown his own sorrows.

all these thoughts about ramen, convenience stores and seungyoun's creepy serious face disappear as soon as he looks at seungwoo, who's back hugging dongpyo while saying how cute his child is.

yohan takes out one side of junho's earphone and puts it in his own ear, laying on his dongsaeng’s lap; his insides are burning in annoyance, wishing for this 15 minutes to go by quicker.

but what should be a 15 minutes break turns out to be a long journey.

it seems that he's not the only one having an appointment with seungwoo, since several trainees begin to approach the older for tips as he finishes his vocal practice with byungchan and dongpyo; even junho reaches for him, which makes yohan feel a bit cheated.

the seungwoo's tips session lasts about 45 minutes, and when yohan comes to, seungwoo's already saying goodbye to eunsang, who leaves them alone in the room. 

a shiver runs down yohan's spine.

"your turn," seungwoo says with a smirk.

"uhum... yeah... let me just-", yohan says, taking a sip of water. he's so nervous, the bottle slips out of his hands and falls down on the floor with a small bang.

"I'M READY," yohan says, a bit too loud, turning around to face seungwoo.

"tell me, which steps are you having trouble with?", seungwoo asks.

yohan retells the steps to the older, and seungwoo just nods.

"oh, it isn't that bad", seungwoo says and goes on showing them to yohan, singing slowly.

 _he must be from another world_ , yohan thinks. _it's not human-like to be this perfect at everything_.

at a certain point, yohan just stops paying attention to what seungwoo is teaching due to the way his veins are popping out on his neck when he's singing. _it’s some kind of art_. yohan feels he might die.

"yohan-ah, your face is red and you haven't even danced yet", seungwoo says, laughing. “am i not teaching it right? is it confusing?”, he asks with a smirk. _shit_.

yohan won’t escape this alive.

"y-yeah... no, i mean, you’re perfe-... it’s just this room with no aircon", yohan corrects, putting one of his hands on his face.

"yes, the aircon, uh?", seungwoo says. "let me continue then”.

so he keeps on showing the steps to yohan, who's trying hard to pay attention and follow what seungwoo's teaching, but the younger’s legs just won’t follow orders.

it’s not that he isn't learning just to spend more time with seungwoo; quite the opposite, honestly. yohan wants to run away from this practice room as soon as possible. it's just his mind is not paying attention to anything other than the way seungwoo licks his lips right after singing a bunch of lines, or the way he runs his hand through his hair every now or then.

then, for a moment, yohan can swear seungwoo just noticed. 

he’s sure seungwoo noticed.

because he's dancing looking right at yohan.

"you gotta do it like this, see?", seungwoo says.

"uhum...", yohan mumbles.

"is it hard to understand? i'm gonna repeat", seungwoo says, still looking at yohan whilst repeating the move.

 _shit_.

"OK, I-," yohan says with a high pitched tone as he flicks his finger. "i've just remembered now that seungyoun hyung went to buy ramen for me and i need to meet him, like, right now", yohan says, words coming out of his mouth so fast that he isn't sure seungwoo understands. "can we leave this for later? i really need to go. wow, i'm so hungry!", yohan says, already heading towards his backpack.

"oh, okay, no problem. hit me up if you need me to teach you again", seungwoo says with a proud, proud smile on his face.

"sure! thanks, hyung!", yohan says, leaving the room.

yohan goes to the cafeteria and - thank god - finds seungyoun and the other trainees. 

"hi, guys", yohan says, trying to hide his flushing face behind a smile.

"hi, yohan-ah", kookheon, a playful and talented guy, says while eating some snack yohan can't quite identify. _okay_.

yohan greets the other trainees and goes to seungyoun, who's in the midst of a serious preparation of, not one, but five bowls of lamen.

"oh, yohan-ah, just in time. i'm preparing your lamen right now", seungyoun says. "here, take it. you'll have to wait for a few minutes, i just put the water".

"thanks, hyung! i'm so hungry, the practice was hard," yohan says.

"cool. seungwoo hyung must be a really good teacher", seungyoun says, already turning to greet sihun, who just got to the cafeteria. yohan shrugs and sits at one of the tables, occupied by yunseong and donghyun, very involved in debating which of the marvel movies is the best.

yohan waits for three minutes before eating a bit of his ramen, but something doesn't feel right.

the spicy taste invades yohan's throat, making him almost spit out. yohan looks at the bowl and sees, in big red letters: DELICIOUS HOT RAMEN! 

and yohan's sure that he asked for normal ramen to seungyoun.

"are you okay, hyung?", donghyun asks, trying to hold back his laughter.

"yeah... i... just need a bit of water... excuse me...", yohan says as he gets up from the table as fast as he escaped from seungwoo class before.

yohan goes to the water cooler, fills a cup and drinks so fast that his shirt gets wet.

when yohan's already in his fifth cup, he hears a voice approaching.

"this little bastard. he really, really thinks that he's smarter than me".

yohan goes on defensive mode thinking it's him, just to turn around and come face to face with yuvin.

"oh, yohan", yuvin says, embarrassed. "i didn't see you there".

"hi, hyung. is everything okay?", yohan asks.

yuvin, who usually looks like a happy puppy, is now red from anger. "yeah, it's just... suhwan. you know him, right?", yuvin asks, smiling a bit. "he just can't see me without doing something that makes me go crazy. i think he does it on purpose, you know?”, yuvin says as he takes a cup of water too.

“yeah… it seems like that”, yohan says. and he doesn’t know if he's talking about yuvin and suhwan or whether he's talking about himself and seungwoo.

 _there’s no ‘you and seungwoo’_ , yohan reminds himself.

“isn’t it? i knew i wasn’t the only one wondering that!”, yuvin says. “ugh, if i knew one of suhwan’s weaknesses... why does he have to look so full of himself?".

then, looking back at yuvin, who just took off the cap to straighten his hair, yohan gets an idea.

an idea that can bring him many, many problems.

but it can also bring a reality where ' _he and seungwoo'_ somehow exists.


	2. yuvin hyung (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, everyone! it's juli. 
> 
> i had lots of fun writing this.
> 
> i will try not take long to post the next chapter. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy it.

"let me see if i get it. you want us", yuvin asks, pointing to himself and then yohan, "to pretend to be in a relationship just to get on suhwan’s nerves?", he asks, trying to suppress his laughter.

"yes... i think? i mean, isn’t that what you want?", yohan asks backs, biting his lip.

"ok but... what do you get out of it? whose nerves are you getting on, uh?", yuvin teases, smirking.

"OK, I CAN ALREADY SEE THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK", yohan exclaims, a bit too loudly for someone who doesn’t want to be heard. he runs his hands through his hair desperately. "look, hyung, drop it, okay? it's a stupid idea", he says, now in a low pitched tone, getting up to leave the tiny practice room they are in.

"OH, CALM DOWN, WAIT," yuvin says as gets up too. "i'm in", he reaches his hand for yohan to squeeze.

"what? are you serious?", yohan asks.

"of course", yuvin says, while laughing. "it's a great idea! imagine suhwan's face when he finds out i'm too busy to give a damn about him," he says. "hurry, shake my hand!".

yohan shakes yuvin's hands, who pulls the younger by the hand, getting them _very close_ to each other.

"what the...?", yohan wheezes out, choking on his own saliva.

their faces are close. _too close_. yohan can feel yuvin's body warmth.

yuvin let's out a laugh so loud that yohan, in impulse, puts one hand over yuvin's mouth in a tentative to quiet him. "keep quiet! do you want someone to suspect that we're up to something?", yohan says, whispering.

when yuvin calms down, yohan notices the situation: the two of them in a tiny, tiny practice room, with his hand on yuvin's mouth, and their bodies touching each other.

yohan steps backwards until he hits the guitar leaning against the wall; he gets it before it falls.

"people will not believe in us if you act like this whenever i get close", yuvin says, starting to laugh again.

"who said you need to get close?", yohan asks, knowing he's being stupid. it's just that he didn't think about this particular topic when he had the idea.

"we'll pretend to be deeply in love with each other and what were you thinking? maintaining a 5 meter distance?", yuvin asks.

 _this is not going to work_. what was yohan thinking when he thought pretending to be in a relationship was going to, somehow, help him with seungwoo?

i mean, yohan doesn’t want seungwoo; that’s not it, of course not. he just wants to prove a point. what point, yohan doesn’t know yet, but he hopes to find out.

"we're going to need some plans", yuvin says with one hand on his chin. yohan feels a sudden urge to laugh. "and rules".

"rules?", yohan asks.

"of course, every business has rules. and this", he points again at him and yohan, "is business", yuvin winks.

"go on", yohan says, rolling his eyes.

"first rule is that no one can know that everything was a farce even after we broke up", yuvin says. "this could be humiliating".

"are you quoting _all the boys i've loved before_?", yohan asks, laughing.

"and, i don't know what you want out of it, but the second rule is that we're only going to be able to break up when both are satisfied enough with the results", yuvin says, ignoring yohan.

the point here is that yohan doesn’t know what he wants. maybe it's just making seungwoo look at him in a different way.

"i think... ok... that’s ok for me", yohan says.

he has nothing to lose, right? the most that can happen is seungwoo not giving a damn. and that's fine. yohan can take this whole idea as if it were a grand taekwondo tournament. if it doesn't work, it'll just be another defeat.

"great! do you have any rules you want to add?", yuvin asks.

"...no?", yohan says.

"great! you know where to start, don't you?", yuvin asks, like it's obvious.

"...no?", yohan says again. "holding hands...?".

"what? no? of course it's spreading rumors!", yuvin says with a smirk. "and i know the exact person to begin with".

that's how, the next morning, yohan finds himself hiding behind a door while waiting for yuvin to _casually_ talk to dohyun.

it takes about 30 minutes for him to hear dohyun and yuvin’s voice through the door, and then they’re leaving.

now it's yohan’s part of the plan. he steps back quickly and goes toward the door again, going face to face with dohyun.

"o-oh! hi”, yohan says, waving his hand timidly.

"hi, hyung!", dohyun says, trying to hold back a laugh.

"did you see yuvin hyung?", yohan asks, wanting to die inside. he can not believe he's doing this.

"yuvin hyung, huh?", dohyun says; still smiling. he pokes yohan's belly. "he's inside. we just finished our vocal practice".

"oh! thanks! BYE, DOHYUN! ", yohan says, forcing a polite smile as he quickly enters the practice room and closes the door. "what did you say to him?", yohan asks, turning around to face yuvin, who picks yohan's arm to make him sit on a small couch.

"the basic", yuvin says, smirking as he sits down on the couch as well. "come on, let's plan the next step while we wait a bit to go to breakfast".

after some 15 minutes, they go to the cafeteria, yuvin's hand touching yohan’s unpretentiously with every step. the cafeteria is already packed with several trainees eating breakfast. yohan instinctively moves away from yuvin, who pulls him close.

"what are you doing? let's sit together", yuvin says, as he takes yohan to pick up food.

yohan sees, with his peripheral vision, junho waving his hand and gesturing for yohan to sit with him. yohan ignores it, knowing the younger's gonna ask about it later.

yuvin and yohan get two ramen each, with yohan making sure that none of them are spicy. while they go through some trainees and greet them, yuvin puts his hand on yohan's waist, causing yohan to startle and almost knock down the tray with the food.

they sit at the only empty table.

"look, it's dohyun!", yuvin exclaims, pointing to the cafeteria’s doors. he’s seating closer to yohan, their arms touching each other.

dohyun is walking side by side with wonjin and they seem to be very, very invested in a certain subject which, by the way that dohyun's looking at every corner of the place, is ultra secret.

dohyun's smile fades away when he looks in the direction of yohan and yuvin’s table. he pokes wonjin on the ribs, who follows the younger’s gaze.

yohan get’s it; he knows what they're talking about. he looks at yuvin, who is too focused on eating his spicy ramen.

"i think they're talking about us", yohan says.

"uh, the plan’s going smoothly", yuvin says, laughing a bit.

wonjin and dohyun quickly say bye to each other, parting ways. wonjin goes to a table where hyungjun, minhee, jinwoo, eunsang and dongyun are seating down. it doesn’t take 5 minutes for wonjin to look at their direction again.

yohan pretends to be very interested in his ramen, but he can _feel_ the stares.

"i think wonjin's talking about us now", yohan says.

"yep", yuvin says as he finishes devouring his first ramen. he heads straight for the second, but not without offering a bit to yohan first.

yohan sees jinwoo, in all his cuteness and youth, going to jinhyuk, who embraces the younger with a broad smile on his face. jinwoo looks sideways and whispers something in jinhyuk's ears, and the older's eyes fall over yohan and yuvin's table. for a moment, yohan and the rapper's eyes meet.

yohan looks down at his ramen, eating some more. after mentally counting to 100, he raises his head again, seeing jinwoo’s at the table with the younger ones again and jinhyuk's whispering something to wooseok, who looks like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

yohan can't take it anymore, so he tries to look somewhere else. his eyes end up at the cafeteria’s doors just in time.

seungwoo enters the place with his hand on his hair, making his eyes and eyebrows visible. he’s laughing at something that seungyoun’s excitedly saying. behind them are byungchan and kookheon.

it seems like the world's suddenly begins to spin three times slower.

yohan feels like he’s in a very bad romantic cliché movie, in which he’s on the taekwondo club that no one cares about and seungwoo’s the captain of the football team.

"i'm doomed", yohan whines, in a low pitched tone.

"what?", yuvin asks, following the younger’s gaze. "no… DON’T TELL ME! I KNEW IT", yuvin squeals, jumping excitedly.

"w-what?", yohan asks, lowering his head to eat another bit of his food.

"you like seungwoo hyung! i mean, it's impossible to be byungchan or kookheon hyung, and much less seungyoun hyung”, yuvin says. "i mean, i don't think i've ever seen you really talking to byungchan or kookheon hyung, so not them. and seungyoun's like a bro to everyone, so not him either".

"i don’t know what you're talking about", yohan deflects. "i think jinhyuk and wooseok know about us already”.

"don’t try to change the subject. it's seungwoo hyung, isn’t it? i feel _so sorry_ for you. my problem’s not 180 cm tall", yuvin says, laughing his ass off.

"i know", yohan sighs, giving up. he looks at seungwoo again, who is now seated at jinhyuk and wooseok’s table, along with seungyoun, byungchan and kookheon. "you don't have to remind me of things i alre-".

"oh, you have something on your face", yuvin says, as he comes closer and puts his thumb in yohan's cheek to clean something.

_what?_

they are face to face; and though it's not the right moment, yohan can’t help but notice yuvin's eyes aren’t black, but a beautiful brown that matches really well with his skin color.

looking closer, yuvin's cheeks seems to be soft. yohan asks himself how would be to touch them. just out of curiosity.

yuvin keeps a serious face as he licks his finger, wiping it across yohan’s cheek a second later.

"w-what are you doing?", yohan stutters, feeling yuvin's breath on his skin.

"done. you had something on your face", yuvin says, smirking a bit. he takes his finger from yohan's face, but continues to stare at him with a smug look, tilting his head a bit to the side.

"t-thanks", yohan replies, feeling as if he has an egg in his throat and a rock in his belly.

"you're welcome, baby", yuvin says, changing his focus to his ramen.

yohan looks at the table where jinhyuk, wooseok, byungchan, kookheon and seungwoo are exchanging strange looks with each other, holding in giggles.

the only one looking at them is seungyoun; and, differently from the others, he doesn’t look like he is about to laugh. they stare at each other for what feels like hours, and then yohan suddenly feels like he’s back at the practice room the other day, when he couldn’t help but feel jealous: except this time, he's dongpyo, yuvin's seungwoo and seungyoun's him.

yohan ends up looking away, because seungyoun's gaze is just too much for him right now.

after breakfast, some trainees go to a practice room for a meeting with the staffs.

"suhwan's is there. come on", yuvin says as he puts his arms around yohan's shoulder, guiding him to the practice room or towards suhwan; yohan can't say for sure.

they’re already in the hallways on their way to the are for the practice rooms when junho come to yohan's side, whispering in his ear, "we need to talk. 13pm. after lunch". he doesn’t give yohan any time to respond and joins a group of woollim and starship trainees who are a bit ahead.

"hi, both of you", yohan hears wooseok say behind them. yuvin takes his arm off yohan's shoulder so that he can turn towards him, and then greets the older with a lively high five.

yohan turns as well, and it feels like his worst nightmare is right in front of him. wooseok's not alone; besides him are kookheon, yunseong, seungyoun and, of course, seungwoo.

because _why not, right?_

"so, we heard the news!", kookheon says excitedly.

yohan wants a hole in the ground to mysteriously appear so he can hide forever. the stone in his stomach feels too heavy to handle.

and it all gets worse when yohan can't see seungwoo's eyes because they're covered by his fringe.

that damn fringe.

 _he looks so much better without it_ , yohan thinks.

"when were you planning to tell everyone?", wooseok asks.

"yohan here is a bit timid, you know", yuvin says, pointing to yohan.

"it's really true, then?", he asks.

"for me it's quite true", yuvin says, laughing. "i hope for yohan too", he puts his hand on yohan's waist.

"if it's true, then prove it", seungyoun says, surprising everyone. their gazes go from the rapper to the couple in front of them.

"how?", yuvin asks incredulously, with a bland laugh. yohan feels yuvin's hand tighten at his waist as suhwan approaches along with hyeonsu.

"kissing", seungyoun says.

_wait… what?_

yohan can't believe what he just heard. yuvin's hand on yohan's waist seems to weigh a thousand times more at each second of silence.

“there are cameras here, we can’t”, yohan laughs nervously, but seungyoun doesn’t budge.

“not in these hallways, no, and i don’t see any staff around. just do it quickly”.

"ok for me", yuvin finally says, after a long pause. he turns around to see yohan, taking one of the younger’s hand in his. yuvin's hand is warm and a bit sweaty.

yohan looks at yuvin in panic, trying to make him understand that: no, this is not okay for him. i mean, _what? seriously? in front of everyone? what?_

yohan feels a sudden urge to nervously laugh at how he got into this. he can feel the trainees' gaze on them and the heat of yuvin's body on him. everything that happens next seems to go in slow motion.

yuvin's face is close, so close. and, yes, his cheeks seems so soft. and they’re really, really close.

like, _really close_...

“GUYS, HERE ARE THE CAMERAS FOR BIG LITTLE MOMENT”, a staff suddenly says, passing by them distracted with some cameras in hand.

the trainees disperse quickly, and yuvin drops yohan's hand just to puts his arm on his shoulder.

"congrats, guys", wooseok says, in a low voice, as he pats yuvin's shoulders, going to get a camera. he's followed by kookheon and yunseong.

"you were really going for it", seungyoun says, approaching yuvin and yohan, but looking just at yohan. "congrats".

somehow, the words leave a bitter feeling in yohan’s gut.


	3. yuvin hyung (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, guys! i'm juli.
> 
> this particular chapter was very difficult to write because it's a transitional point of the plot; so i'm kinda unsure...?
> 
> i hope you enjoy it!

"let me see if i got it", junho says, licking his lips before continuing. "you and yuvin hyung are pretending to date to make suhwan jealous?".

"yes", yohan simply answers.

"and what the hell do you get out of it?", junho retorts.

 _why does it matter so much anyway? couldn’t i do this just because it sounds fun?_ yohan thinks to himself. 

"nothing...? yuvin's my friend. he asked me and i said i could help", he shrugs off.

" _i'm_ your friend", junho points to himself. "and you wouldn't do that for me even if i was on my knees promising you free kimbap for life! i know you! unless...", junho mutters as he looks right at yohan, smirking a bit.

"unless what?", yohan asks quickly.

"unless you like yuvin hyung", junho says. "you like him, don't you?", he crosses his arms.

 _i’m doing this because i like seungw-_.

"are you crazy? he’s not even my type!", yohan exclaims, exasperated, slapping junho's shoulder.

"i didn’t know you had a type", junho says, laughing.

"everyone has a type. yours, for example, is someone calm, same-aged and red haired. oh, maybe someone like eunsang…?", yohan says.

junho rolls his eyes. "don't try to get away with it, hyung. if yuvin really wasn't your type or if you didn't like him at all, you wouldn't let him kiss you".

"I DIDN'T LET HIM KISS ME", yohan says with a high pitched tone.

"yes, you did".

"no, i didn't".

"yes, you _did_ ", junho says, not budging. "you were going to kiss him in front of everyone, and only _didn’t_ because of an interruption".

yohan hadn't thought about it in that way. yes, they would’ve actually kissed if the staff didn’t show up on time. i mean, _yuvin_ would’ve kissed him if nothing happened to stop him. it was just a matter of bending his head and, done, their lips would’ve touched each other's.

and maybe, _maybe_ seungyoun was right after all.

they were really going for it. 

and not only in that particular moment.

on monday, yohan and yuvin are in the middle of the hallway planning what they’re going to do during their dance class break, when they hear voices approaching.

yuvin pulls the younger's hand and leads him to the closest bathroom quickly. yohan leans his back against the door and yuvin puts one of his hands on the door as well, right next to yohan's head. their bodies are touching each other and yohan can feel yuvin's chest coming and going with his breath.

"hyun-", yohan begins to says.

yuvin puts a finger in front of yohan's mouth and whispers, "they will hear us. keep quiet".

and if the situation couldn't get worse, the owners of the voices stop for talking right in front of the bathroom, of all places.

yohan looks desperately at yuvin, who just rests his head on the younger's shoulder.

they stay in that tiny, tiny bathroom for what seems an eternity, with yohan wondering why all the places in this god damn building always look so claustrophobic.

on tuesday, yohan and yuvin decide to be a duo for some warm-ups. and yohan never sweats so much in any warm-up before; not even when he was on taekwondo.

yohan holds yuvin's legs so he can do some sit-ups. then every time yuvin lifts his body, their faces comes very close. and the worst: yuvin keeps making playful kissing faces every time he gets up. 

yohan can't help but notice how yuvin's cheeks turned into a very soft pink color because of the exercise and the tips of his hair stick to his forehead due to the sweat. 

on wednesday, yuvin holds yohan's hand for the first time in public. and yohan doesn't remember them planning that. so they enter the cafeteria for lunch holding hands with yohan feeling his entire face burn.

yohan sees seungwoo looking at them, then at their hands and then at them again, but the butterflies in his stomach don't seem to be as overwhelming when he feels the warmth of yuvin’s hand in his.

on thursday, around nine o'clock pm, dinnertime, yuvin takes yohan by the arm and leads him to the laundry, exasperated. he's full of snacks in the other hand.

"what are you doing?", yohan asks, whispering, as he watches yuvin close the door.

"i almost got caught", yuvin says.

"what? when? how?", yohan asks, desperately. they aren't even close to getting what they want.

(yohan still doesn’t know what he wants though).

"wooseok began asking me millions of questions about us, about you", yuvin replies, gesturing with his hands. "but i managed to escape. you know how good i’m at acting, don’t you?", yuvin asks, smirking.

yohan feels a bit hurt by that, but he shrugs it off.

"definitely”, he replies.

"afterwards i kept thinking, if we're going to do that, we need to get to know each other more. so i got some snacks, because we won’t leave here without me knowing everything about you", yuvin says.

"you want to talk? about life? in the laundry room?", yohan asks laughing incredulously.

"yes! don’t you think this is romantic?", yuvin asks, while sitting in one of the washing machines. "i think i saw this in a movie. i don't remember which one though".

yohan rolls his eyes. "what do you want to know, then?". he sits down on yuvin's side, trying to make the two fit seated in just one washing machine. which is a bad idea, because yuvin ends putting one of his hands on yohan’s thigh.

they keep talking for as many hours as their breaks offer, and yohan realizes many things about the older.

yuvin has a naturalness in his humor that makes it's so easy for him to understand and to connect with the others. he's spontaneous and an airhead and a huge fool and over excited with everything that is alive. 

yuvin talks too much to the point that this becomes an insecurity for him; he's too afraid of being overwhelming and all over the place. 

yuvin’s eyes look exactly like the pleading eyes emoji, matching very well with his big puppy energy. he loves exposing his ears with hoodies and caps and his eyebrows make him look like the red angry bird.

but yohan’s favorite thing is yuvin's cheeks. he wants to put his finger on it so bad, just to know what feels like. 

they’re laughing at something that yuvin said until someone opens the door abruptly. wooseok enters the laundry room followed by seungyoun. the two of them have a basket of clothes in hands.

_what a coincidence._

"oh", seungyoun says, looking at yuvin and yohan and then at yuvin’s hand on yohan’s thigh.

"hi, guys", yuvin says, still laughing.

"hi...?", wooseok replies, heading towards one of the laundry machines, not caring at all.

"are we ruining something?", seungyoun asks, holding an uncomfortable laugh.

"nothing can ruin our date", yuvin says, smirking. yohan looks at him desperately; they exchange glances for a few seconds, with yuvin looking at him like asking _what_.

"we're just going to put our clothes on the machine very quickly", wooseok says, poking seungyoun on the ribs.

while wooseok and seungyoun do their thing, yuvin picks up his phone to choose a song for them to listen to. but yohan doesn’t want to listen to music; he just wants to put his head inside one of the washing machines and press ON.

after wooseok and seungyoun leave (seungyoun closing the door with unnecessary strength), yohan can't _not_ ask.

"did you know that wooseok would come here?".

"no? i'm not a lamp genius!", yuvin says, laughing. "but that's great. things are going so smoothly in our plan, aren't they?".

"yes, they are", yohan lies.

they aren’t. 

yohan feels like he’s falling from a roller coaster; nothing smooth at all.

on friday, yuvin says animatedly: "show me some taekwondo moves!".

it's around 11 pm. yohan and him are alone in one of the practice rooms, while some trainees went to get something to eat and others just went to bed, dying in fatigue.

and it's not yohan-like denying show off some of his taekwondo moves. so there he goes.

when he makes a jump, though, the zipper of his jacket hits directly his left eye. yohan falls to the ground with a loud thud, feeling like his eyeball will gonna fall to the ground too.

"MY GOD, DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?", yuvin asks, half worried, half trying to hold back a laugh.

"THIS DAMN ZIPPER OF MY JACKET WENT DIRECTLY IN MY EYE", yohan says, pouting, with his left hand in his eye as he sits down.

"ouch, it must have hurted", yuvin says, dragging himself to where yohan is. he still laughing when holds yohan's left hand and puts it down, interlacing their fingers.

yuvin then puts his other hand on yohan's face, approaching the younger one.

"wh-", yohan says. his body simply can't obey his orders to walk away.

"let me kiss it better", yuvin says with a soft tone.

their faces are so close that yohan can feel yuvin's breath. soon the older blows on his face and gives yohan a little kiss right in his hurt eye.

 _there’s no one around. cameras are turned off._ _why he's doing this if no one is going to see it?_ yohan wonders.

yuvin peppers small kisses in yohan's face as he laughs. then yohan starts laughing as well. and he doesn't know if it's because of yuvin's cuteness, how absurd this whole ordeal is or because the butterflies in his stomach wants to fly away from his mouth.

"better?", yuvin asks, putting his arms and legs around yohan.

"y-yes, but, my god! why do you have to be so touchy? it's gross", yohan says, trying to get away. "plus there's no one around".

"so what? i love to see your face red like that", yuvin says, laughing. he kisses yohan's face one more time quickly, then disengages himself from the younger.

yohan picks up the nearest water bottle and throws it in yuvin's direction.

"red or not, you're not seeing this face anymore today", yohan says as he stands up quickly and walks toward the door.

yohan leaves the room, not before hearing yuvin say, while laughing, "see you tomorrow, yohan-ah".

leaving the building doesn’t help cool down yohan's face. he stills feels like it's burning.

he just wants to go to his room to sleep and forget the problem he is in. he doesn’t want tomorrow to come though and he doesn't want to fake date anyone. especially not yuvin. 

he just wants to go back to admiring seungwoo from afar; it was much more comfortable. because feeling like crying every time he remembers that the moments he spent with yuvin are only part of a plan it's just too exhausting for him.

yohan can’t even remember the last time he talked to seungwoo. he no longer knows why and to whom he is doing this.

but it doesn’t feel it's for seungwoo anymore.

and his heart hurts a bit. if he's not doing it to make seungwoo look at him in a different way, why he's doing it at all? 

yohan doesn’t know if he wants to rip his eye or his heart off. maybe both. because, like that, he won’t have to feel his heart burn when he looks at yuvin’s cheeks again.

yohan's so immersed in his thoughts that he don't see someone approaching and it seems like the person also didn't see yohan, because the two end up colliding with each other.

"what the-".

yohan hears the person say. he turns around and face seungyoun, nose adorably red from the cold. 

"oh, hi, yohan-ah", seungyoun says, in high pitched tone, smiling.

"hi, hyung", yohan says, a little too tired to smile.

then, there's a strange silence between them. yohan can hear the sound of the wind as he feels a shiver run through his whole body. _it's freezing._

"so... how's the relationship going?", seungyoun asks, biting his lip apprehensively.

"uh, w-what did you ask, hyung?".

"i asked how's the relationship going", seungyoun repeats, laughing at yohan.

"oh, yes, it's fine, yes, fine", yohan starters.

"are you sure...?".

"yes, hyung! why wouldn't be?", yohan replies, smiling a bit.

"ok, then, how are _you_?", seungyoun asks, approaching the younger.

at first, yohan thinks about lying, because, yes, if he says he's okay, it'll be a lie.

he is very, very confused and this makes yohan's heart squeezes so damn hard.

yohan thinks of lying too because he doesn't want another person knowing everything. but he just can't say he's ok. not when seungyoun is looking at him seemingly so genuinely worried.

yohan definitely can't say he's okay.

"hyung, can we talk?"

so they talk.

"so...", seungyoun says, laughing uneasily. "you liked seungwoo hyung, so you started dating yuvin, who likes suhwan, to make seungwoo jealous?".

"kinda...?", yohan says. seungyoun looks at him seriously, as if he waiting for him to tell the truth. "yes, that's right".

"and now you think you like yuvin for real?".

"yes, hyung, that's what i think", yohan says. "i mean… before this whole fake dating thing, seeing seungwoo was like a kick in the face, but now it's just a... tickle? the feelings are still there, but it's different with yuvin now".

"you are such a mess, yohan-ah", seungyoun says, laughing. yohan laughs as well. "and what do you plan to do now? tell yuvin?".

"what? no? i don't even want to date him or anything like that", yohan says, exasperated.

"look, yohan-ah," seungyoun says, turning his body towards yohan, looking the younger in the eyes. "i can help you, but you need to tell me, i mean, you need to tell _yourself_ first, what you _really_ want, you know?".

the thing is: yohan don't know what he wants.

"but, until then, you should stick to the plan", seungyoun says. "i'll help you until you figure things out".

what yohan doesn't know is that more help in his life will only bring him more problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, how was it? like i said, i'm a bit unsure about this...
> 
> and yes, yohan is clumsy with his actions, but at least now he'll have seungyoun by his side.
> 
> ah! a special thanks to [luna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jangjun) for showing me what it's like to fall in love with yuvin. kekeke ily both
> 
> ps: i had to put junsang in this Just Because. kekeke i'm thinking some plots with them... maybe in the future... what do you all think?
> 
> see you soon!


	4. seungyoun hyung (part one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, everyone! it’s juli.
> 
> i’m sorry i took so long to update. 
> 
> and yes, posting it only hours before final episode because i’m a mess.
> 
> by the way, i’ll update as soon as i recover from the final line up announcement.
> 
> no more, i hope you enjoy it!

"remember, i'll be there in case you freak out", seungyoun says, hiding his mouth with his hand as if he was part of a secret organization. yohan feels like laughing because there's no one around them enough to hear what they're talking about anyway.

it's a monday morning and yohan and seungyoun are walking side by side towards the practice room.

"oh, thanks, you just reminded me there’s going to be more people there", yohan replies as he stops walking. "i don't know if i want to do this, hyung".

"jesus, the plan is a level _one_ ", seungyoun says, running his hand over his face exasperatedly. he pulls yohan's arm to make him continue walking. "you're going to have to do _worse_ things".

"uh? there's something worse than kissing yuvin's cheek in front of everyone out of nowhere?", yohan asks, feeling a chill run through his body, afraid of the other plans seungyoun may have in mind for him.

"yes, there is? first, nobody will care that much but _him_. and second, you talk as if you haven't almost kissed each other, in the _mouth_ , in front of everyone some days ag-".

"we wouldn't have kissed each other. we knew that someo-".

"and now you want to tell _me_ that a kiss on his cheek is not the lesser of things you could do?", seungyoun continues, ignoring yohan's protests.

yohan even thinks about trying to explain that _yuvin_ was going to kiss _him_ , not the other way around, but he knows it's a lost cause, so he just shrugs it off.

there's another reason why yohan is freaking out like that. it's been two days since he talked to yuvin after he ran out of the practice room on friday night.

it's just that talking to yuvin, after yohan realizes that there's _more_ behind than just a fake dating, it seems too much for him. he feels like as soon as he sees yuvin, the older will _know_. so just the idea of being in the same place already makes yohan’s body chills.

not that yohan has spent the last two days without thinking about him. quite the opposite actually; yohan spent the weekend meeting with seungyoun in their breaks to gather ideas of what he can do to make yuvin somehow feels the same way that he does; that there's _more_.

and yohan lost count of how many times seungyoun said that he needs to be more confident.

"yohan-ah, i already told you a million times, but you have to be _confident_ ", seungyoun says as if he can hear yohan's thoughts. he stops walking and turns his body towards the younger. "suhwan will be there and yuvin will probably try something, but it will be much better if it starts from you. it's all about surprising him", he pokes yohan's belly, smirking.

seungyoun has a point and yohan trusts him. that's why he just nods and continues to walk, his hand lightly bumping seungyoun's, which makes him feel a bit more confident.

and a bit more safe too.

about 30 trainees are in the practice room when they arrive. seungyoun says hi to some of them in such an excited way that yohan can't help but wonders how he manages to be so damn hype all the time.

"yuvin's there", seungyoun murmurs, tapping yohan's shoulder. "ok, time to go over the plan again".

"but it only has only two steps…?".

"and yet you may fail", seungyoun says as if it is the most certain thing on earth. yohan feels a sudden urge to use one of his taekwondo moves in seungyoun’s giggly face. "you go there and kisses yuvin's cheeks. if he says something about your _unexpected_ and _weird_ confidence, what do you do?”

“i say it's to convince someone who i think is suspicious".

“that’s it. you got it”.

"and... what if he asks who it is?", yohan asks, out of the blue.

"he won’t ask".

"but what if he does?".

"you say it's... let me see... yunseong".

"yunseong?".

"ok, no. he's too unbothered", seungyoun pauses to think. "just say it's me". he looks away from yohan for a frame of seconds.

"are you saying that you are bothered?", yohan asks, laughing.

"no? i'm saying that i'm an observant person, unlike yunseong", seungyoun replies. "oh, god, yohan, whatever. we're wasting time. go to him, go", he puts his hands on yohan's shoulders, squeezing them a bit, and pushes the younger into yuvin’s direction.

yohan walks towards yuvin, who is talking too excitedly with sihun and wonjin to notice yohan approaching.

yohan feels like he's walking an entire marathon; the air can't get to his lungs and each of his legs seems to weigh four more pounds at each step.

 _be confident_ , yohan thinks to himself, with seungyoun's voice lingering in his head. he looks back, to look at seungyoun one more time. the older gestures for him to continue with an encouraging smile on his face.

so yohan continues, until he’s five steps from yuvin and wonjin notices him.

"look, hyung, who's here", wonjin tells yuvin, a smirk on his face.

"oh, good to see you, baby", yuvin goes to yohan to give him a hug, distancing them for the others.

 _it's now or never_ , yohan thinks.

yohan retribute yuvin's embrace, "it's good to see you too, hyung", and then, lays a short peck on yuvin's cheek.

and yes, it feels as soft as yohan imagined it to be.

now his whole body seems to weigh much more, making yohan feels like he wouldn't ever be able to move from there again.

"oh, that was unexpected", yuvin murmurs for anyone other than yohan to hear.

"I-IT’S BECAUSE”, yohan says, a high pitched tone and his voice cracking at the end. he lowers his voice before continuing, “i think yunseong is suspicious".

"ok? but”, yuvin says, laughing, “yunseong isn't even here”.

“oh… just in case...?”, yohan half says, half asks.

“oh, no, that’s nice, yohan-ah, suhwan's here and he’s looking at us", yuvin murmurs in yohan’s ears as he puts his arm over the younger’s shoulder.

yohan just wants to sink into the ground.

and take seungyoun along, him and his dumb ideas.

and this desire only _grows_.

"your dance skills have improved so much, yohan-ah", seungyoun says during break, loud enough for yuvin to hear.

"oh, no, it's nothing", yohan dismisses, looking at seungyoun as if he wants to kill him.

"i'm being serious", seungyoun replies, seating on the floor, and for a second yohan really thinks he's not saying it with yuvin in mind, but rather because he really believes in it. "before you couldn't keep up with the second chorus because you kept mixing it up with the first, but now you're killing it".

it’s true. but yohan doesn't know _how_ seungyoun notices it.

"don't you think so, yuvin-ah?", seungyoun asks, drinking some water.

yes, maybe he's just saying it for yuvin to hear.

"think what, hyung?", yuvin reply.

"that yohan's dance skills got better".

"oh", yuvin murmurs, looking from seungyoun to yohan then at seungyoun again. "yes, of course. we've been helping each other”, he says with a smirk.

yohan feels like laughing. the only thing that he’s been helping yuvin with is suhwan.

and he doesn’t even know he's doing a good job at it. they haven’t talked about their achievements yet, which is a bit worrying, because when they do, yohan won’t know what to say since his goals changed _a bit_.

but he just shrugs it off. he has bigger problems right now, like seungyoun doing things that aren’t in their plans without, at least, make some signal to yohan five minutes before.

on tuesday, seungyoun manages to leave yuvin and yohan alone in one of the small practice rooms, but doesn't give yohan any instructions of what he should do next.

on wednesday, both of them talk until 5 am, but seungyoun doesn't tell yohan the part of the plan where he spread rumors that some trainee has a crush on yohan and neither how he manages for it to get to yuvin, who laughs at yohan when they meet on thursday morning.

on thursday evening, after yohan scolds him, seungyoun says, for 596th time, that yohan needs to be more confident.

but for the first time, he shows _how_.

"you have to grab his hand, lie on his lap, take a strand of hair out of his eyes, you see? small things that can take yuvin by surprise", seungyoun says, laughing a bit while playing with a bottle of water.

yohan and him are sitting facing each other in one of the tiny practice rooms. they have their legs lying on the ground, touching each other.

seungyoun's hair is stuck to his forehead duo the sweat of the dance class from minutes ago.

when class was over, both of them came running to get one of this tiny practice rooms empty so they could work on the next step (which seungyoun named "skinship time: if you don’t do it, someone else will").

"i don't know if i can do that, hyung”, yohan says, “not without making it obvious at least”.

"i'm sure you can", seungyoun replies, encouraging.

"i bet on it, hyung", yohan murmurs.

"you just have to do it like this".

seungyoun quickly moves his body to sit by yohan's side. he raises his hand towards yohan's face, looking into the younger’s eyes, like he’s asking for permission before continuing. yohan doesn't do anything, so seungyoun grabs a strand of hair that was almost falling into yohan’s eye and puts it behind his ear, slowly. seungyoun leave his hand there for a moment, in the side of yohan's face.

seungyoun's hand are hot, but not sweaty, and their faces are close to each other. yohan swears that he can hear seungyoun's heartbeat.

yohan doesn't feel the usual butterflies in his stomach. he doesn't feel like someone is kicking his face. he doesn't feel like an egg is stuck in his throat.

he just feels _yohan_.

and it feels good to feel like just himself.

suddenly seungyoun takes his hand from yohan’s face, but lays on his lap. he is not smiling or mocking or anything like that, but yohan can see his eyes sparkling a bit. or is it just the dim lighting playing with his mind?

"see? it's not that difficult", seungyoun says.

with how seungyoun is laying in his lap, yohan can feel his breathing, a bit out of place, even though his face is calm. maybe he hasn't fully recovered from dance class, which yohan feels happened so long ago even though it’s been just minutes.

"what's the problem with yuvin finding out though?", seungyoun asks. looking not at yohan, but at the ceiling.

yohan looks at him and notices that his cheeks are a bit red. maybe it's because of fatigue too.

"what?".

seungyoun laughs and gets up from yohan's lap. he puts his back against the wall again, facing him.

"so what if yuvin figured out? i mean, it wouldn't be good? at least you wouldn't stay in the dark, you know", seungyoun says, biting his lip.

"maybe, hyung, but he likes suhwan. and i don’t think i’m his type either", yohan says, looking at his hands on his lap.

"i wouldn't be so sure you're not his type".

"what do you mean?".

"i mean that suhwan's cool, i like him and i understand why _yuvin_ would like him. they seem to have a lot of things in common, but...", seungyoun says. he seems to ponder his words.

"but what?".

"but i think you are _more_ ", seungyoun says. yohan looks at him, who's looking right back at yohan. "i mean, i see how much he laughs when he's with you. you're funny without wanting to be, you know? maybe because you are a bit fussy. and you're determined. you give yourself into the things you commit to do even if it gets you into some troubles. but that demands _courage_ , though you lack some _confidence_ ", seungyoun laughs a bit, "and you're cute too even if you try to hide it. some people may even find you a bit cold or detached, but i think it's just because it's hard to pin down how you are feeling as you keep worrying about exposing your vulnerabilities or getting hurt. and i think that’s why you live in denial", seungyoun laughs some more. "and you cry a lot. i didn't think an athlete could cry so much. but you are like a cry baby. and that's cute. i’m sure yuvin's finds it cute too. it’s impossible not to".

"uh, i wish yuvin liked me as much as you do”, yohan says, seriously.

seungyoun smile falls.

“HYUNG, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK SO OFFENDED! i’m just kidding”, yohan says, laughing loudly.

someone knocks on the door before seungyoun can reply.

"it's time to go back, guys", they hear someone says.

on friday afternoon, seungyoun seems to be a bit tense, much unlike his usual. yohan tries to ask if something happened, but seungyoun just shrugs it off.

they’re in seungyoun's room, which he shares with some other trainees, but they’re alone.

"i can come another time, hyung", yohan says. "if you're not feeling well".

"not at all. let’s get it done. and today is friday. a big day", seungyoun replies in a high pitched tone.

"big day for what?", yohan asks quickly.

"for plan level 5", seungyoun says, laughing. yohan doesn't like the tone of his voice, so he makes mention to leave, but seungyoun takes his arm and makes yohan sit on the bed again. "oh, please. sit".

"can you tell me what we're going to do for me to at least prepare myself?".

"don’t bother. today, i'll show you", seungyoun replies, "again", with a smug look on his face.

"you look so funny, hyung. look at your smile", yohan laughs so hard that kind of spits in seungyoun's face.

"you're so disgusting", seungyoun says, in a high pitched tone, laughing too. "you're not going to laugh when i tell you what we're gonna do to today", he says after a moment, trying to hold back his laughter.

yohan calms himself, breathing.

"then, teacher, what's gonna be today?", yohan asks.

"kissing class!".

"uh. yes. ok. let’s get it".

"yes? ok? let’s get it?".

"you think i believe in you?".

"i'm being serious".

yohan swallows.

"wait ... what?".

"yes, i'll teach you how to build the mood for a kiss".

"as if you were very experienced, hyung".

"what? more than you i am for sure".

"ok, go on then", yohan says, mocking, as he gestures with his hands.

but yohan didn't expected seungyoun _really_ going for it.

everything that happens next seems to go in slow motion, like it’s not really happening.

"so, you sit in front of him, just as we are now", seungyoun murmurs, crossing his legs to be right in front of yohan. "then you do what i teached you yesterday". he takes a strand of hair out of yohan's eye, then fondling yohan's hair for a bit. with his thumb, he caresses the younger’s cheek, and it feels _so_ soft.

seungyoun approaches yohan's body and tilts his head a bit, looking into the younger's eyes. he puts his other hand on yohan's thigh, timidly, as if it could burn; yohan feels the older’s hand trembling over his leg.

it's a bit dark, because the light is covered by the top bed of the bunk, but yohan can see very well when seungyoun wets his lips with his tongue.

and they are very, very close. yohan feels like he could dissolve at any moment, so he leans his head into the touch of seungyoun's hand.

yohan's heart doesn't feel heavy. his heart seems to be working in such a health full force by the way, pumping blood all over his veins, because yohan's feeling so _alive_ right now.

yohan closes his eyes and waits. and waits a bit more. and he can feel seungyoun's breath on his face.

until he doesn't feel it anymore.

"THAT'S IT. I THINK YOU GOT IT", seungyoun says, a bit trembling, as he moves away from yohan quickly.

yohan opens his eyes, a bit lost. and stares at seungyoun, who is biting his lip, nervously.

"oh, hyung, for a moment i thought you would really go for it", yohan says, laughing blandly.

"of course not?", seungyoun dismisses, getting up towards the door. "OK, LET'S GO FIND YUVIN".

yohan laughs, but feels the back of his throat burn in bitterness.


	5. seungyoun hyung (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, everyone! it's juli.
> 
> forgive me for taking so long to update. ): i freaked out so much with final episode and everything that happened after that i couldn't write a single word.
> 
> ah! i created a writer account to talk about "you're my pick, hyung" and other upcoming projects that are already in the way. if you want, [follow me](https://twitter.com/jeyukbokkeumseu) and send me a hi. i would love it.
> 
> no more, i hope you enjoy it!

“i found yuvin; i spoke to sejin and he said yuvin and wonjin are still training in one of the practice rooms upstairs", seungyoun murmurs. "and shouldn't you already know that? you're fake dating him, not me!", he runs his hand through his hair, exasperated.

"yes, but me and yuvin are not talking much these days", yohan murmurs back, not even knowing why they're talking so quietly since there's no one else around.

it's almost 2am and yohan and seungyoun are in one of the corridors in first floor after having looked for yuvin everywhere of the training center.

“maybe because you keep running away from him whenever possible”, seungyoun replies, laughing.

 _or maybe it's because i've been spending all my free time with you_ , yohan thinks.

“ok, listen”, seungyoun licks his lips (and for a second yohan remembers what happened an hour ago in seungyoun's room), "i go there and make up an excuse to get wonjin out. as soon as he leaves, you count five minutes, enters the room and do what i taught you".

the plan seems simple in theory, but it's totally different in reality and yohan already starts to feel something strange happening inside his stomach.

“hyung, i don't kno-”.

"oh, no, don't", seungyoun says. he take yohan's arm then moves his hand to grab yohan's, interlacing their fingers. he pulls the younger upstairs, leading him toward where yuvin and wonjin are.

as yohan feels seungyoun's hand, his heart fills with confidence and maybe, maybe he can do it. 

that's why yohan doesn't protest anymore.

"ok, so i'll get wonjin", seungyoun says, turning to face yohan, who feels like laughing and doesn't know if it's because he's nervous or because seungyoun is acting like he's in some spy movie. "be ready", he puts his hands on yohan's shoulders, squeezing a bit.

when seungyoun turns away, yohan grabs his arm on impulse.

"will you stay to look?”, yohan asks. "i mean, you'll stay around, right? in case it doesn't work out and i get out of there freaking out”.

“do you want me to watch you two kiss?”, seungyoun asks, laughing, as if he can't believe what he just heard.

“no, that’s not it”, yohan says, feeling his face heat up. "it's just that i'll feel more confident if i know you’re close".

there's a pause, then seungyoun takes yohan's hand again.

"i'll be right here", seungyoun says. he smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. he squeezes yohan's hand for a bit before heading towards the damn practice room.

and so it begins a wait of 10 minutes that seems like an eternity to yohan. he feels like he’ll throw up all his dinner at any moment.

until he sees wonjin leaving the room, then seungyoun after some minutes. the older goes to where yohan is hiding.

“all clear. it's your turn”, seungyoun says.

“i don't have option to quit now, do i?”, yohan asks.

"no".

“but i think i will”.

“oh, god. yuvin isn't what you want? so go for it”, seungyoun says, smiling a bit. he pats yohan's ass, encouraging him to go.

after some inner debate, that, yes, yuvin _seems_ to be what yohan wants, he goes to the practice room, knocking gently on the door before opening it. yuvin's has earphones so he doesn't notice when yohan enters, but when he does, he gets up quickly and open a big smile.

“hi, yohan-ah”, yuvin says, taking off his earphones.

"h-hey, hyung", yohan says, timidly.

suddenly, why it's so hard to breathe? and why does it seem that yohan's heart is making a thunderous effort to beat?

“i'm glad you're here! we have so many things to talk about", yuvin says.

“oh, we do? about what?".

“about our business...? i think it's time for us to do something bigger, you know?", yuvin asks, picking up a bottle of water and taking a sip of it.

yohan looks at the way yuvin's adam's apple moves and, for a moment, he forgets that yuvin just mentioned their god damn business.

“don't you think?”, yuvin asks, laughing at yohan.

"y-yes... but about that, hyung...", yohan begins to say. yohan feels a trickle of sweat run down his spine as he steps towards yuvin.

“about that...?”.

“i-i need to test something".

they are facing each other, so yohan goes over the plan mentally, and wants to suddenly disappear when he realizes that yuvin is wearing a cap. a fucking cap. so the part of the plan which says "take a hair out of his eyes" is over. and yohan don't know what to do.

he feels his heart clench so hard that it doesn't seem like he's even living. yohan does the first thing that comes to his mind: he puts his hand on yuvin's shoulder, who looks at yohan in confusion.

yohan comes closer and can feel his body slightly touch yuvin's. and it's just a matter of centimeters and he could kiss him, so simple, just as yuvin almost did a few days ago. 

it seemed so simple to yuvin.

so why can't yohan do it? why does it seem so hard? wasn't it supposed to be easy? when seungyoun showed it to him earlier, it seemed so right, so destined, so uncomplicated. as easy as breathing.

yohan can feel yuvin's breath on his face, and their faces are close, but yuvin's cheeks don't look all that inviting anymore.

yohan can't continue because every sign of his body seems to say that this isn't what he wants, that this isn't right. then yohan squeezes yuvin's shoulder and walks back, with his head down.

“you know what, hyung? i just remembered that seungyoun's waiting for me”, yohan murmurs. “can we talk another time? about our business?", he laughs blandly.

“of course, yohan-ah. i think wonjin is coming back too", yuvin says, a bit confused, but still smiling.

"great! very great".

yohan walks towards the door and goes face to face with suhwan. he is alone.

"oh", both of them murmurs.

and, surprisingly, yohan doesn't care how this whole scene seems to come out of a bad romantic comedy movie, because he just wants to go to seungyoun and say how much of a loser he is and laugh about it.

so yohan gives suhwan a quick hi and goes to where he was hiding minutes ago, but seungyoun is not waiting for him as he said he would be.

on the next day, things feels a bit abnormal.

yohan is doing some warm-up exercises with junho before dance class begins, when seungyoun arrives and quietly puts his backpack on the floor, saying a brief ‘hi’ to hangyul, kookheon and jinhyuk.

he doesn't even look at yohan's direction.

junho and yohan look at each other without understanding, because seungyoun not saying a loud and clear ‘hello’ for everyone? that’s not normal at all.

yohan begins to wonder if anything has happened, because seungyoun seems a bit tense since last night, when he feels someone pull his arm. he looks back and sees yuvin. 

yohan feels his face flushes just remembering what he tried to do yesterday.

"yohan-ah, i need to talk to you", yuvin mumbles in yohan's ear.

"ok", yohan simply says.

"come on".

yohan follows yuvin to outside of the room. the older looks everywhere before he starts talking.

"so, i have news. good news", he says, smirking a bit.

"you're making me nervous, hyung. go on. quickly", yohan replies.

"ok, ok. yesterday, after you left the room, suhwan came to talk to me. you and him crossed paths, remember?", he asks, but doesn't give yohan's time to answer. "so he came to me for help in some notes of a song that he couldn't reach and we ended up talking a bit and...", yuvin pauses, seeming to ponder his words.

"and...?".

"and i think he likes me back", yuvin says, looking straight at yohan. his cheeks in a cute red. "so... from my side... we wouldn't have to go through with this anymore", he points at him and yohan, "but as we promised to end it only when both of us are satisfied enough with the results, i'm still in. i'm just saying this because i think it's important that you know, you see?".

yohan feels his heartbeat skip a bit. 

but not in a bad way as he thought it would be when that happened. it's because he is genuinely happy for yuvin. and yohan feels relieved and light to feel that way. as complicated as it's sounds.

"if we go on, i think it's important to make bigger steps for seungwoo hyung feels at least a bit outraged, you know?", yuvin says, holding a laugh. "he is such a hard target. but if we-".

"hyung", yohan interrupts. "it's ok. we can finish our business", he points at him and yuvin, laughing a bit. "it's ok for me".

and yohan isn't lying. he couldn't lie when yuvin is looking like an excited dog whose owner comes back home after a long day. he couldn't lie when his heart is feeling so light.

yohan feels like several knots in his stomach have been untied.

yohan hasn't been doing this for seungwoo in a while now because maybe it was never really him. and maybe yuvin was just a beautiful and messy and cute way for yohan to understand that. 

understand that feeling something isn't about butterflies, or about a stone pulling you down to the ground making impossible to you walk, or about an egg in your throat making you speechless.

"are you serious? i mean, is it ok between you and seungwoo hyung? oh, don't tell me you already have something with him, but didn't tell me not to let me down", yuvin says, with his hand on his chin.

"hyung, please. if i had, i definitely would’ve told you just to see your loser face", yohan says, laughing.

“uh, noted”, yuvin says. "but it was fun, wasn't it?".

 _not much_ , yohan thinks.

“hyung, our training is about to start", junho says as he shows up at the door. he looks at yohan and then at yuvin and gives a suspicious smile. yohan had forgot that junho knew everything. almost everything.

"see you around, yohan-ah", yuvin says, giving a peck on yohan's cheek. he feels his whole face flushes with embarrassment.

when yuvin is far away, but not far away enough, junho lets out a loud laugh. yohan looks at junho wanting to kill him.

“you wait and see”, he says, pointing at junho.

when yohan is back at practice, his eyes go to seungyoun, who’s showing jinhyuk some dance moves, and yohan feels that he may have made a big mistake.

because, if he and yuvin are no longer fake dating, how will he and seungyoun keep meeting?

yohan can't focus on the whole dance practice after that, because he keeps thinking of ways and reasons to make seungyoun stay close. his heart hurts to think he may not spend so much time with seungyoun after the breakup with yuvin.

seungyoun is funny, but never uncomfortable. he’s smart and doesn't make yohan feels that he need to pretend anything. seungyoun is such a great person to have around, to share the breaks of the day. seungyoun is that kind of person who comes into your life and completes it in such a natural way that you no longer know what your life was like before him. how cliché that sounds. 

and yohan doesn't want to have to miss it.

and to do that, yohan resolves to lie.

in fact, he won’t not lie. he just won't tell seungyoun that he and the yuvin are no longer fake dating.

and that's ok, right?

yohan waits for seungyoun to be alone to approach him in one of the breaks of the practice. 

“hi, hyung”, yohan says excitedly, giving a bottle of water to him.

"oh, no bother", seungyoun says simply, shaking a bottle of water.

yohan shrugs off, then sits on seungyoun's side, arms touching slightly.

"so, how was yesterday?", seungyoun asks, not looking at yohan. "i saw you and yuvin talking before class started today. it must have gone well".

"actually...", yohan says. he bites his lip. "i didn't do anything".

seungyoun looks at him, surprised.

"what? you didn't kiss him?", he asks in a high pitched tone.

"hyung, be quiet, please", yohan says, placing a finger on seungyoun's mouth on impulse, then looking around. "but that's right, i didn't. something stopped me, i don't know what, but i just couldn't".

"you are such a loser, yohan", seungyoun says, laughing, seeming much lighter now.

 _i must be comic relief for everyone_ , yohan thinks.

"i taught you so well and yet you couldn't do it", seungyoun continues to say.

"first, yuvin was wearing a cap, so the whole 'take a hair out of his eyes' step had gone downhill. and you didn't show me a plan b", yohan says.

"i can't believe you couldn't kiss him just because of that. you should've, i don't know, rub his cheek. didn't you like his cheek?", seungyoun asks, laughing discredited at yohan.

he runs his hand through his sweat-struck hair, then makes mention to lie on yohan's lap. yohan gets it and uncross his legs so seungyoun can lie down.

"then we'll have to continue with classes", he says simply, staring at the ceiling. his cheeks are a bit pink.

"yeah, it looks like we have to", yohan says, light hearted.

so they keep meeting during all breaks they have available and yohan doesn't know how seungyoun doesn't realize that he has been trying to escape yuvin whenever possible.

but yohan is happy that he didn't say anything to seungyoun.

of all things that yohan messed up (which were many), this is for sure the one he least regrets.

yohan feels a bit selfish about that and about taking so much of seungyoun's time, but when both of them are together, everything seems so much simpler. 

and it's not just about yohan's confused and messy heart, but his whole life seems simpler. workouts get lighter, pressure of everything around them becomes more bearable, late night ramen gets much tastier. all because sharing these moments with seungyoun is too good and it wouldn't be if it was shared with anyone else.

yohan feels so comfortable with seungyoun that sometimes he almost ends up opening his mouth, because maybe, maybe, seungyoun will still want to keep meeting, keep sneaking out of practice rooms from time to time, keep hiding under the bedspread of yohan top bunk.

but not everything happens as yohan wants, after all, lies have short legs.

it's a monday morning and it's already been a week since yuvin and yohan broke their fake dating. and luckily for yohan, suhwan is a very discreet person, because everyone thinks nothing changed.

yohan is walking along with eunsang and junho towards practice when he sees seungyoun walking at him and the older doesn't seem to be in his best mood. a shiver runs through yohan's body.

"hi, junho and eunsang", seungyoun says, smiling at them both.

"hi, hyung", they say at the same time, then look at each other and giggles. yohan rolls his eyes.

seungyoun turns his body toward yohan. "yohan, can we talk?".

"oh, of course", yohan says. "see you soon", yohan says to eunsang and junho, who nod their heads briefly then continue to walk. yohan sees junho put his arm on eunsang's, which moves away slightly, shyly. yohan feels like laughing.

“so, you don’t have anything to tell me?”, seungyoun asks.

“...no?”, yohan half says, half asks.

"ok, so you won’t tell me that you and yuvin are no longer dating, i mean, fake dating?".

yohan feels his heart stop for a moment.

"who told you that?".

"i just met yuvin and he told me", seungyoun says, he wipes his lips with his tongue before continuing, "and it's been a week. he also said he's with suhwan now".

"yes, i know".

"and is everything ok with you?".

"yes, i'm ok", yohan murmurs.

“then why didn't you tell me? you kept acting like you were still together".

"it's because...", yohan begins to say. he looks at seungyoun, who's looking straight at him. he has a cap, which makes his eyebrows visible. "i wanted to keep spending time with you".

seungyoun's face seem to soften for a few moments so yohan continues.

"i thought if i told you that yuvin and i aren't fake dating anymore, you would no longer feel the need to meet and... yes, i like spending time with you, and i didn't want to lose it", yohan says.

"oh, yohan-ah, of course not! that’s so silly of you. i like spending time with you too", seungyoun says, cheeks a bit pink. “you know, we’re friends”.

yohan ponders his next words.

“about that… i also didn't want to tell you because you would ask why i'm ok with them being together or something like that and-”, yohan takes a deep breath, looking into seungyoun's eyes, "maybe i’m ok like this because i think i like you, hyung".

seungyoun face hardens. after a long pause, he says, simply, "you can't tell me that".

"what do you mean?".

"you can't tell me that, because how can i know if you actually _mean_ it and it's not just another hyperfixation of yours?".

yohan feels his face so hot of shyness as he doesn't understand why seungyoun is acting like this. 

“i just... know it's different, hyung”, yohan murmurs, still looking straight into seungyoun eyes.

“ _how_ do you know that?”, seungyoun asks.

yohan doesn't know what to answer because everything with seungyoun has always been so uncomplicated. he just _knows_ it's different, and shouldn't that be enough?

"i think you need some time", seungyoun says. he waits a bit more for yohan to say something, but yohan just can't, so he just turns his back and goes.

when yohan have enough courage to raise his head again, seungyoun is no longer in sight.


	6. seungyoun hyung (part three)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, everyone. it's juli.
> 
> i'm sorry for taking so long.
> 
> but here we go to the last chapter...

yohan is alone in one corner of the practice room, with his legs to his chest and feeling like the whole world is against him.

yohan feels like he's in this part of some cliché movie in which the protagonist seems to have become the villain, because all the other characters turned their backs on him for some reason. 

junho and eunsang are together with seungwoo practicing their vocals, while donghyun and yunseong are learning part of the choreography. 

ten minutes ago, yohan was training with them and everything seemed normal, so yohan knows that this whole _Yohan Pilgrim vs. the World_ thing is just his head trying to trip him. 

though he wouldn't be surprised if they really looked at him crooked now.

yohan feels so overwhelmed with everything and yet so empty. 

is this the feeling of disappointing and hurting someone you _really_ like? because that's how yohan is feeling. and somehow he hurt and disappointed seungyoun.

that's why they haven't spoken to each other since friday when yohan said he liked him. it's already been three days. 

actually, they haven't stopped talking entirely because they are on the same team for the last mission of the show, so, yes, from time to time they _have_ to talk to each other.

but the only thing they have been talking about is choreography, training or notes. and all this with seungyoun being harsher with yohan than with anyone else. 

besides that, the two haven't _really_ talked.

seungyoun never lays on yohan's lap anymore, neither snuggles into yohan's bed, much less, of course, takes yohan's hand to lead him towards one of the small practice rooms to talk for as long as their break allows.

yohan knows that everyone is busy preparing for the final and are also sad because of the friends who left (yohan himself is busy and pressured with everything), but, even with all this circumstances, yohan _knows_ that seungyoun is doing his best to avoid him, to stay as far away as possible.

when seungyoun said he would give yohan time, he wasn’t joking. 

but yohan feels like he never needed any time at all. much less three full days of pure agony and emptiness. even though he ended up using this days to think. _a lot_. 

think that he should have taken seungyoun's hand and not let him go. that he should have spoken _how_ he knows that seungyoun is different from the others.

yohan never knew exactly what he wanted. he was always wrapped in maybes. but now yohan _knows_ what he wants. he is _sure_ because his heart has never beat so vividly for anyone else as it does when he just quietly pronounce seungyoun's name before sleep.

or when he remembers seungyoun's hand on his face and his cute smile with his bunny teeth, his sparkles eyes when he’s talking about something that makes him happy, his beautiful tattoos on his beautiful body and his sweet voice when he’s singing or whispering something in yohan’s ear.

yohan knows he's in love because he's no longer afraid to say that.

because seungyoun doesn't make yohan afraid to feel anything. 

and maybe that's why yohan couldn't say anything on friday. because he never needed to talk much for seungyoun to understand.

yohan is so immersed in his thoughts that he doesn't realize when a staff calls his name.

"yohan-ah, are you daydreaming by chance?", a female staff says, poking yohan as she laughs. "we need a photo of the whole group. come on!".

yohan didn't even see when the rest of the team, including seungyoun, entered the room. as he gets up, he and seungyoun exchange glances, and yohan's heart tightens a bit when the older looks away quickly.

they pose for several group photos and yohan predicts people commenting ‘ _what happened to yohan's smile in these pictures?_ ’ because he doesn't feel like smiling now.

“ok, good! now split in duos, please!”, the same staff says, with a high pitched tone.

“i’m going with eunsang!”, junho says quickly, raising his arm and then putting it around eunsang's shoulders, who laughs shyly.

“we’re going together”, donghyun and yunseong say at the same time. they look at each other and giggle. 

“hyungjun and minkyu can go together and i’ll go with sejin”, seungwoo says, then he holds a laugh before continuing, “yohan and seungyoun can go together too, since they're so close these days”.

yohan and seungyoun glance at each other, then at seungwoo as if they don't believe what they just heard. 

for the first time since yohan met seungwoo, he wants to kick him _for real_.

“yes, sure! that's fine by me!”, seungyoun says, changing his mood quickly.

maybe seungyoun isn't as smooth as he thinks, because yohan do notice the twitch on his face, and it tightens yohan's heart even more.

seungyoun goes to yohan without even _looking_ at him. 

they wait for the staff to take the other pairs photos in a deafening silence. they’re a few inches apart, but yohan feels as if they are separated by the entire han river.

“it's your turn!”, the staff says, turning to them, camera in hand.

yohan and seungyoun stand side by side, awkwardly. 

"really? that’s the pose you're going to do?”, she asks, laughing. “come on, guys!".

yohan and seungyoun look at each other and yohan feels his cheeks flush. he watches as seungyoun bites his lower lip uneasily. 

"ok, let me…", seungyoun says. he puts his arm around yohan's shoulders, making a 'v' sign with his fingers.

with every passing minute with seungyoun so close to him, grow yohan's desire to shout “HYUNG, I LIKE YOU. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE YOU SEE THAT BUT, YES, I LIKE YOU A LOT. NO. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. AND I'M SURE OF THAT”.

“done! great, guys!”, the staff says.

“good", seungyoun murmurs. he takes his arm from yohan's shoulders quickly, as if it burns. then he goes across the room to take a sip of water.

seungyoun doesn't speak to yohan again the entire day, not even to scold him. instead, he continues to fled yohan in a blink of an eye in other moments as well.

a few days later, at dawn, yohan is going to pack some bottles of water to take to his room when he suddenly come across seungyoun as he turns one of the corridors. there is no one else around.

"oh", they both murmurs at the same time.

seungyoun's hair is stuck to his forehead and his breath is a bit rushed. his cheeks are in a soft red and yohan can see the outline of seungyoun's abdomen as his shirt is stuck to his chest.

yohan feels his heart go to his mouth. he suddenly wants touch seungyoun.

seungyoun had always been so open, so close, so touchy, but yohan can't remember a moment when he actually touched the older. a moment that he could feel the texture of seungyoun's skin or the features of his face or the robustness of his chest.

yohan wants to feel it all now. but he can't.

he bites his lower lip so his voice doesn't come out shaky.

“were you training until now?”, yohan tries to ask.

seungyoun's eyes were on yohan's lips. “uh... what?”, he asks.

“i asked if you were training until now", yohan repeats, holding a laugh.

"yes, i was".

"uh, hyung, giving your all tomorrow at practice then?", yohan says, laughing awkwardly as he pokes seungyoun timidly on his belly.

yohan regrets it two seconds later, face turning red in embarrassment. 

yohan misses laughing with seungyoun, he misses being able to say whatever comes to his mind because there wasn't this heavy wall in between them.

which was built because yohan couldn't do things in the right way.

“so... i need to go to sleep. bye!”, seungyoun says out of nowhere.

yohan barely has time to answer and seungyoun is already turning his back on him.

 _again_.

at lunchtime on the next day, yohan makes a decision: he will be confident. 

that's why, he walks confidently to where seungyoun is sitting with yuvin (yes, yuvin, among all trainees).

"hi, guys! can i sit here?”, yohan doesn't wait for both of them to answer to sit down.

seungyoun stops chewing whatever he's eating and looks at yohan in disbelief.

“hi, baby!”, yuvin says, laughing.

 _does he not understand that we are no longer doing our business?_ yohan thinks.

“how’s training? i was talking to seungyoun and our team will ro-", yuvin starts saying until he's interrupted by seungyoun, who gets up from the table quickly.

"i need to go, guys, see ya!”, seungyoun says. 

yohan and yuvin look at seungyoun, who is now far away, and then look at each other.

“what was that about?”, yuvin asks.

"i don't know, hyung... i don't know", yohan whispers, head down. he pushes his bowl of lamen away because he doesn't feel like eat anything.

"hm", yuvin murmurs. he looks at yohan's expression, then asks. "everything ok with you?".

"i think so".

"ok, tell me, what's the problem?", yuvin says, placing his chopsticks on the table. "is it something with seungwoo? are you sure you don't want help with him anymore?".

"yes, hyung, i'm sure", yohan says, laughing a bit.

"everything fine between you two then?", yuvin asks in a teasing tone.

yohan didn't want to tell anyone about his dramas again, because whenever he did that, he got in trouble. but he needs to talk to someone. and yuvin seems to be the only option now.

"about that... i don't like seungwoo anymore", yohan says carefully. he pauses to look at yuvin's reaction before continuing. "i like someone else".

"uh", yuvin says. he picks up his chopsticks and eats a bit of his food. "is it seungyoun hyung?", he asks. his mouth full of food.

"what? how do you know?".

"i just assumed", yuvin says, shrugging. "does seungyoun hyung running away as soon as you arrive have anything to do with you liking him?".

"i don't know. maybe. probably yes?".

"what did you do?", he crosses his arms.

"what do you mean what did i do?", yohan asks on defensive.

"for seungyoun run away like that you must have done something".

that hurts even though yohan know it's true.

"yes, hyung. i was stupid and made a big mess and now i don't know what to do to resolve it", yohan says, brushing his hands over his face.

"why don't you just explain to him? i mean, just talk to him. i'm sure you didn't even try to do it yet", yuvin laughs. "seungyoun hyung is so cool. he'll understand. by the way, do you think he likes you back?", yuvin asks, out of sudden.

yohan didn't think about that topic exactly.

"because _i_ think he likes you", yuvin says.

yohan's heart flutters by this thought.

"why do you think that?".

"i don't know. i have a _feeling_ , you know? and i'm never wrong", yuvin says, smirking.

"ok", yohan rolls his eyes.

"seriously", yuvin is no longer laughing. "tell him how you feel. it's always the best option. see, for example, me and suhwan-".

yuvin keeps talking, but yohan can't exactly hear, because he is too immersed think about ways to talk to seungyoun.

he keeps thinking for two days until friday’s night come.

it's always on friday nights.

"ok, that's enough for today!", seungwoo says as he claps his hands. "get plenty of rest, everyone, because tomorrow we’ll be having evaluation with the trainers".

yohan's plan begins.

he puts on his sweatshirt quickly without taking his eyes off seungyoun, who engages in conversation with seungwoo.

"oh, are you sure?", yohan hears seungwoo asking to seungyoun. "fine, but don't go to sleep too late".

seungyoun will train until late again.

and yohan won't miss this opportunity to be alone with him.

the staffs have turned off the cameras a few hours before, so it has to be tonight.

yohan pretends to be arranging something on his backpack to waste time while he watches the other boys pack their stuff to go to the dorm.

yunseong, minkyu, donghyun and sejin are first, followed by hyeongjun, eunsang and junho.

"are you coming, yohan-ah?", seungwoo asks.

seungyoun looks at yohan too.

"oh, yes, i'll go in a bit, hyung. let me just-", yohan lies. he keeps pretending to arrange something on his backpack.

"uh, alright then, i'm going", seungwoo says, corners of his mouth twitching. he looks at seungyoun and then at yohan one last time before leaving the practice room.

seungyoun and yohan are alone.

the older looks again at yohan before turning to pick up an ipad that was on the floor.

yohan's heart starts beating faster, but not necessarily in a bad way. it's because he never felt so eager about something like he feels now. he must do it. he must do it for seungyoun and for himself too.

"hyung".

"hm", seungyoun murmurs, not turning to him.

"i think i'll stay late training today as well", yohan says. "there’s this steps i'm insecure about and i thought you could help me with them".

seungyoun turns to face yohan. he's only wearing black sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt, but, for yohan, seungyoun has never looked more beautiful.

"you could've asked for help from seungwoo hyung. he sure is better at teaching than me", seungyoun says seriously.

"i don't know, hyung. i prefer your style, you know", yohan begins to say. he feels as if his heart is going to explode at any moment from now. "you've been a good teacher to me these past few weeks… and i'm not talking about dance steps or something like that, but about the other classes we've had. you remember them, right?", yohan asks, biting his lip.

"of course i remember", seungyoun replies. he looks a bit hurt.

yohan takes a few steps towards him.

"and yet you couldn't do it", seungyoun adds. "with yuvin".

"maybe it was because i didn't want to".

"it's a bit difficult to know what you want, you see", seungyoun answers, laughing a bit bitterly.

"i know what i want now. and i know it took a long time for that. but now i'm sure", yohan begins to say, trying to make his voice as steady as possible. 

"ok, tell me then".

yohan approaches seungyoun some more.

"i want _you_ , hyung. and i've never been so sure about anything else as i'm about that. i want you because i like you. no-", yohan says, gesturing with his hands. "i'm in love with you. and i know i gave a lot of reasons for you to doubt it. you'll ask me how i can be sure about this or how can i know this time it's different and it's not just another hyperfixation of mine and, frankly, i still don't know how to answer that, because everything with you has always been so natural, so easy, so uncomplicated. but if i have to explain, hyung, it's like i was this faulty piece of a puzzle, you know, who didn't fit with any other because it's _so_ stupid that couldn't see that the matched piece was right in front. yes, i've done a lot of dumb things, you can atest to that", yohan laughs a bit. "but what i want to tell you is that i'm in love with you, i'm sure of it, and i hope you believe and trust me".

seungyoun is looking right at him, watching as yohan is breathless from the speech. the younger feels nervous, unable to read the expression on seungyoun’s face. 

"you said i'm a good teacher", seungyoun starts, wetting his lips before continuing, "so show me what you’ve learned".

yohan gets it.

so he approaches seungyoun until the two are close enough that yohan can feel the warmth of the older's body.

"but you can skip the 'get hair out of his eyes' part because i'm all sweaty", seungyoun says, laughing nervously. 

_yes_. yohan's heart will explode; he missed seungyoun's laugh so much that he doesn't believe this is really happening. the younger feels like he's in a dream, like he's floating in the air. there is no stone pinning him to the ground anymore.

"i don't care", yohan says.

he brings his hand to seungyoun's hair, brushing the strands out of his forehead. they look at each other and laugh a bit.

then yohan touches his finger on seungyoun's cheeks, bringing their bodies closer.

they’re so close now, and there’s nothing to stop them.

yohan feels seungyoun's breath on his face, and his lips are softly brushing on seungyoun’s awaiting ones. the older puts a hand on yohan's waist, while he puts his arms around seungyoun's neck.

then yohan finally kiss him.

it's a bit awkward at first, but soon they get into an rhythm, starting slow and careful and becoming faster, eager. 

seungyoun's kiss is full of romance, and yohan’s sure he can die at any moment because his heart has never beat so fast on his life. ironic, really, that he’s feeling so alive that he could die.

yohan loses track of time until they need to break apart to get some air. right away, seungyoun puts his hands on yohan's face, his lips a bit red and swollen.

"do you know the worst part for me about all this?", seungyoun murmurs on yohan's mouth.

"what?", he almost whispers back.

"it was _so_ frustrating to see you liking one person and then another while, to me, it was always you", he says, then he gives yohan a quick peck. "and only you". he gives another peck.

yohan is _melting_.

"what do you mean?", he asks, not out of coyness but maybe because he’s a little kiss dumb at the moment.

"oh, yohan-ah, you're so frustrating", seungyoun says, throwing his head back to laugh. he takes his hands off yohan's face and puts them back around yohan's waist again. "i've _always_ liked you. but you were so oblivious about it". 

yohan doesn't know what to say.

"i'm sorry?".

"you don't need to apologize. i was a bit afraid too, about taking a first step, you know", seungyoun says.

"but we don't have to be afraid of anything now, do we?", yohan asks, biting on his lip.

"no, we don't", seungyoun says, chuckling cutely.

so he kisses yohan's one more time. and again. and again.

training until late at night has never been so enjoyable, even if not a lot of training gets done this night. 

"so let me see if i got it", yohan starts in a high pitched tone. "you’re telling me you’ve always known about _everything_?".

"yes, that is what i'm saying".

"i mean, everything what? the part that i liked you or my fake dating with yuvin?", yohan asks again, dumbfounded. 

"both?", seungwoo looks at yohan. "and the part that seungyoun had always liked you as well".

"i can't believe it! how did you know everything? are you some kind of lamp genius, hyung? i can't believe it. sorry, but i just can't", yohan says. 

"yohan-ah, you are the most obvious person in the world".

"no, i’m not", yohan says, feeling a bit hurt.

"ok, so you think i didn't notice that you always left an empty chair by your side on purpose and didn't let anyone sit on it until i arrived?", seungwoo asks. "or when you asked me to teach you a dance step that you had already managed to do but thought i hadn't seen it?".

 _oh, god, come on_ , yohan thinks.

"you should see your face right now", seungwoo points at yohan, laughing.

yes, yohan has always known that he’s a fool. but not _that_ much of a fool.

"so, here are you lamens! one spicy for seungwoo and one pepperless for yohan", seungyoun says excitedly as he sits next to yohan at the table.

the smell of food invades yohan's nose and he couldn't be happier.

"oh, hyung! you know you're my pick, right?", yohan says, wrapping his arms around seungyoun and giving him a quick peck on his cheeks.

"of course, baby, who else would it be?", seungyoun asks.

the two look at seungwoo and start laughing.

"you’re both so disgusting", seungwoo says.

yohan is sure seungwoo rolled his eyes even though he can't see because of the older's fringe.

_that damn fringe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... how was it? 
> 
> i hope it met your expectations!
> 
> without prolonging myself, i want first thank [livia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonho) for always being so sincere. you don't know how much your help and support has taught me.
> 
> second, i want to thank [luna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunsang) for being with me from the very beginning. without you, i probably wouldn't have written a single word.
> 
> third, i want to thank [ani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/huni) for helping me with ideas when i was in a big creativity crisis.
> 
> fourth, i want to thank all my friends who have support me through this journey. you know who you are.
> 
> and last but not least, i want to thank you all, guys! i read all your comments and each one of them made me so, so happy.
> 
> i promise i'll be back soon with more yohan contents, so wait a bit!
> 
> i will keep updating about my upcoming projects on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jeyukbokkeumseu), so, if you want, follow me there!


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